Finally!

Well, I finally got around to seeing that new Samuel L. Jackson movie. You know, Reptiles On An Aircraft, or something like that.

Oh yeah...!


That's the one.

Let us be clear here: this is not a good movie. This is a SciFi Channel movie with a bigger budget. This is a movie plotted and written by Internet consensus.

But it's got snakes. And a plane. And people saying "fuck" rather a lot. It's not like you should be surprised by what you get.

You've got your tough, no-nonsense FBI agent (Jackson), a witness under his protection, a plane full of airline passenger stereotypes, and a few racist and sexist stereotypes as well (But that's okay, because the movie isn't about them, it's about the snakes. And the plane.). You've got the viciously sadistic and dangerous criminal mastermind who, stymied by the mighty airline security measures, is forced to resort to what is possibly the single most retarded assassination concept in cinema history*.

Fans of the roleplaying game will be able to clearly distinguish between the BGS (Before Goddamned Snakes) and AGS (After Goddamned Snake) stages. Regrettably, no snakes challenge passengers with Rubik's Cubes or sudoku puzzles.

There is a scene with boobies. There are many scenes where snakes jump out and scare people. The snakebite gross-out factor is turned up to eleven. The science is extra-bad. There are some vague attempts at pathos. Samuel L. Jackson swears a lot, and fights snakes with improvised weapons.

All of which is, of course, precisely what you should expect. We, the Internet audience, asked for it, and we damn well got it.

And in case you're wondering, yes, I enjoyed it. No, I don't really feel the need to see it again.

*(Ok, there are many other stupid assassination concepts in cinema; pretty much anything from early James Bond movies, for instance, or anything from the Austin Powers films taking the piss out of the old James Bond movies, but none of them were made into the central theme. They did not make a movie called Ill-Tempered Sea Bass In Dr. Evil's Secret Hideout.**)

**(But if they made a movie called Sharks With Frickin' Lasers, I would go see it.)